When Parents Grow Old

June 28, 2008

We got invited to lunch over at our neighbor’s. It was a post-birthday celebration of the mother of the head of the household. She’s turned 88. I went with my brother, and we saw her on a reclining chair, asleep, despite the laughter and the joyous atmosphere in the dining area. I can’t help but wonder if she was aware that she was surrounded by all sorts of people - from her closest family members to people who barely knew her (like us). The whole time we were there, I didn’t hear her speak. I also noticed that she had a private nurse who helped her with practically everything. I didn’t know if I would be happy or sad for her - happy that she is still living and still seeing her family grow bigger, sad that she has to be helped with everything now. And I thought, well, I certainly don’t want to reach a point where I would have to be helped with everything. I think I’d rather die than be a hassle to my loved ones.

And that led me to realize something I should worry about first before I can even imagine myself getting old and helpless - I was terrified of the mere thought of my parents getting old because I don’t know if I have the strength to watch and to deal with the deterioration of their bodies and minds. I’m afraid my love for them would falter when they someday forget something I just said or when they may not remember how I was when I was a little girl. I’m afraid I may not have the courage to see them at their weakest and most vulnerable because I always relied on them, I have always seen them as unshakable foundations.

When that time comes, I’d probably get a private nurse too.  But I’d certainly feel guilty because I feel it is my responsibility to take care of them until they breathe their last breaths. Certainly, that would be a selfish thing to do - hiring someone to take care of your parents. But is it really? I don’t know yet. I’m still having this debate in my head. I love them so much that it pains me to imagine, let alone see them be in such a state. It’s inevitable, I know. And it’s only a matter of time before I come face to face with the situation. I’m hoping by that time I would have enough strength and courage to carry on and not break down.